The Art of great conversation what do you think?
Anna Brownell Jameson
“Conversation may be compared to a lyre with seven chords--philosophy, art, poetry, love, scandal, and the weatherâ€.
Anna Brownell Jameson (1794 - 1860)
Adoremouse a lady with a very big heart and great writing skills asks:
Topic
What do you want from a Good discussion?
What do you want from a "good" conversation?
Do you want to be "heard?"
a) because in your life you are usually shouted down and want to say "me tooo" even though it may be repeating what others have said?
b) Because you like to tell your "story" and think others might like it too?
c) Because you are genuinely interested in another persons ideas and thoughts - and still may not comment even then.
d) Because you like the attention and look forward to a response.
e) Because you always have a better and bigger story to tell than that of your neighbour.
This is a challenge, are YOU willing to own your needs honestly here? Any other alternative responses welcomed.
Ashuna is an aspiring law student and funny young lady.
Ashuna’s Answer
What do you want from a "good" conversation?
I must say, there are always different meanings for "good" and "bad" with different people. I guess it all depends on how a person interprets it. Something good to me may not be nice to others.
I look for a humourous, smile inducing and sometimes a thought provoking conversation...(may be this is what I call good conversation..!)
I think all the above 3 qualities are not necessary...even if one of them is satisfied, I would say its a good conversation...
Do you want to be "heard?"
It depends on the situation mostly... Most of the times, I like to be heard but sometimes, I don’t like to open my mouth at all.
a) Because in your life you are usually shouted down and want to say "me too" even though it may be repeating what others have said?
Well, I think I wont say "me too" if all others have said it before. It would appear as though I m showing off..!!! I always want my opinion to be heard. Let it be through me or through others...
Frankly, I sometimes have the urge to say "me too" in some situations.... but not always...!
If the other people are putting you down, it means that they do not want a healthy conversation... I seriously wont encourage such things...when one has ideas; one has to speak them out...!
b) Because you like to tell your "story" and think others might like it too?
Like to tell my story if others show some signs of knowing it...otherwise I wouldn’t want to...
I always say, everyone is unique...so they may or may not like it...!! But if I feel the need to tell, I ll tell at any cost.
c) Because you are genuinely interested in another persons ideas and thoughts - and still may not comment even then.
If I m really interested, I will surely comment...
d) because you like the attention and look forward to a response.
Who wont like response to his/her ideas?
e) Because you always have a better and bigger story to tell than that of your neighbour.
Never thought so..!!
b)
Dorothy Neville
“The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.â€
Pia’s reply.
Pia is our author and play write extraordinaire and now a seasoned panellist.
A "Good" Conversation: Part 1
Research Source:
http://blogs.salon.com/0002007/2005/04/06.html
Ideas for Better Conversations
Conversation is a catalyst for cultural evolution. One of the critical tools humans use to exercise and expand our thinking is conversation. In fact, it’s the framework we use to relate to each other in our daily living in and experience of the human condition. It requires grace, courtesy, and agreement on who (at any point) is leading and who is following. There are at least SEVEN benefits of effective conversations:
• Educating: teaching/learning something useful or interesting;
• Conceptualising Thoughts: organizing/articulating, challenging, reassuring, and understanding;
• Rehearsing: practicing to improve language skills;
• Socializing: finding people with similar ideas/interests/ambitions;
• Convincing: selling, seducing, persuading, engaging, building trust;
• Assisting: helping others or getting help;
• Entertaining: amusing/escaping, or overcoming boredom, indifference, loneliness, shyness, or low self-esteem.
Interesting facts about the “art†of conversation:
• Women/men converse in different ways with each other and with same sex.
• Conversations have complex, unspoken cultural norms, styles and rituals. When two or more people with different styles converse, the result can be comical and tragic.
• Most people don't really listen to what they themselves are saying!
• Real conversation isn’t in words, but nuances of body/eye language: tone, pauses, and physical proximity of the conversantes.
• Effective conversations appear to really be interviews.
• Good conversantes tactfully state what their objective for the conversation is.
• Most people want reassurance. Few are really looking for advice, debate, or constructive criticism' in a conversation.
• You can tell immediately if conversantes trust each other or not.
WHAT “MAKES†GOOD CONVERSATION?
Good conversation is a skill, and, just as a lot of practice dancing badly does not make you a better dancer, just talking a lot does not necessarily make you a better conversationalist (in fact, it may make you worse at it, by entrenching bad habits).
To have a really “good†conversation:
1.Limit the number of words you say and allow others to speak.
2.Allow pauses in the conversation, so people can catch up and think.
3.Allow people to pull themselves out of the conversation to facilitate by summarizing, asking questions, drawing people out, or suggesting how to make it more productive.
4.Decide how each participant and new entrant in the conversation join in.
5.Allow those whose objectives aren’t being met to leave without taking offence.
6.Learn to request to be heard without interrupting the conversation or its flow.
7.Learn to read/understand body language, and to express it unambiguously.
8.Be a better story-teller, and be more improvisational. 9.Learn effective listening techniques and critical thinking skills. 10.Be more respectful and more polite in conversations.
MY RESPONSE: WHAT DO I WANT FROM A “GOOD CONVERSATION?â€
A “good conversion†for me is one where everyone included in the conversation feels heard and connected – even if not agreed with. A camp counsellor once said to our college group, “ I’ve never ever met a group like you guys before. It’s truly the first time I’ve ever seen ten people all talking and the same time with everybody still being heard by everybody else!†THAT’S what a good conversation is to me. One in which the group dynamic is alive and you almost don’t want it to end.
And the end goal is a deeper connection – not necessarily about “changing†anyone’s views. For me, it’s all about finding out who a person is through the exchange of ideas and insights. So, naturally, the more conversations I have with a person or within a group, the more I learn about that person or group. Information is currency. Currency is power. Power is choice. Those who lack conversational skills limit the choices they have access to.
I would be lying if I said I didn’t look forward to the responses – interplay is very important to me. Silence is one thing. Indifference is quite another. I love hearing people’s stories because they always remind me of my own and it makes me want to share them – not to be bigger or better, no, it’s about finding common ground in my life and someone else’s. So really, all I need in a conversation is a person willing to be REAL and open and ready to connect (and this may happen over a period of time). When I have a good conversation with someone – I want more!!
“I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation.â€
George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
Rajni is a career lady and mother and wife whose posts read like a conversation with her friends.
What do I want from a good conversation?
Basically I am what you would call a "listener" because I love learning about people & listening to what they have to say.
The topic of discussion or conversation does not really matter, with one exception of course. I just cannot stay interested when someone is on a long-winded trip of his/her achievements in life.
Besides, I firmly believe in the adage that we were given two ears & one mouth so that we should listen to double the amount that we speak.
I generally speak if I feel I have something to contribute that I think would genuinely interest the other persons.
And I would be lying if I said I do not like the attention or look forward to the response. It's just that it would not be the main reason for sharing.
Also, I always feel people have better & bigger stories to share with me.
Most times, that is!
Vicky’s Response.
Vicky is a career lady and mum and writes a varied and interesting post.
Thank you, again, for allowing me to participate on this question's panel.
The question of this week is: “What do you want from a ‘good’ conversation?â€
It is an excellent question but not an easy one to answer succinctly because, in my opinion, our definition of a “good conversation†varies, depending on the person we are engaged in a conversation with and the medium (phone, face-to-face, blog, etc.). Since the question is posed in the blogging arena, I will approach it as meaning an online conversation with 360 friends.
Of the five responses we are asked to pick from, my answer would have to be: c) because you are genuinely interested in another person’s ideas and thoughts - and still may not comment even then. Although, I generally do respond with my own comment even if it is simply to acknowledge the graciousness of a response from a friend. And, oftentimes take it a step further so that it evolves into a healthy debate of ideas.
In my view, a “good†conversation is one where everybody shares his or her own unique perspective on the issue at hand. It is a conversation where people are not trying to force their opinion or views upon me and respects my own personal views without feeling the need to belittle them (or me!). It is a conversation where it is obvious that responses are thought out and genuine and will make me stop and think for a moment about my own views. There are certain issues that I am passionate about and am likely not to waver on but many others where they are not and truly appreciate feedback to help me draw my own conclusions. If my friend(s) agrees with me, it is wonderful to hear the reason behind it. What life experiences have brought you to that conclusion? Many times the reasons given trigger another question. That is how a ‘good’ conversation evolves - with contributions by both (all) parties.
Christopher Morley {1890-1957}
“There is only one rule for being a good talker - learn to listen.â€
Shane The Working Class Poet has stepped in as Beastie on this panel.
Shane is the Beast and already has big boots to follow in this role. Come to think of it he probably has big feet himself.
Well, for me the discussion topic is what dictates how strongly I want my opinion heard. I’m not the type person to want to speak to just hear my own voice. I’m reserved in many instances but, in others, I can be down right crude lol. Especially if the topic of discussion or the issue that has arisen goes contrary against my moral and ethical beliefs.
Not many years ago I was the people pleaser. The guy that always would agree with everything that is being said in any kind of situation. Being that type of person left me with absolutely no backbone what so ever. Not only would that put me in a tough spot of not having my own opinion when asked but, it also made me very boring and very unfulfilled.
Well, things change. You get older and you live through hell. I have found it so much easier to just go ahead and voice your thought up front and leave the ones you are talking with to go hmmm!. I believe totally in blunt honesty. And I make this well known to everyone that I speak with. If you don’t want the truth then don’t ask the question. I’m honest to a fault. So much of my life has been wasted on dancing around the truth or trying to sugar coat everything so as to not hurt this person or as to not start a fire from the spark of conflict. Life is just to damn short to carry on a conversation or discussion that will leave you sweating mentally. I get out what I need to say and move on. But, I also don’t walk up to someone that I barely know and go “Hey you know what….?†I choose my battles, I choose my topics, and I have to choose how far I want to go.
What I want out of a conversation is honesty. I want nothing but, the cold hard truth. I myself have enough respect and care in me to give anyone that right. So as I said, just be prepared if you ask a question, cause the response you get will be straight up front and without the gloves on. I don’t value my opinion over others and I do my best to not come across with the contempt of saying “My opinion is more important so listen to me!!†But, I don’t speak up when my opinion was already voiced. I mean why? If someone else may have already stated what was on my mind why push it further on. All that would do is take away from the person that previously stated the same thing.
What I expect is equal time. An equal shot at expressing my thoughts if approached. What I cannot stand is someone that would completely overshadow everything with nothing but their own opinion. I guess that goes along with what Adore said about being shouted down. That is one way to either get me to walk away or get a heated discussion inflamed. And yes as you can read here I’m not the one to instigate an issue usually. Most of the time it’s brought to me and then I make conversation on it.
Anyways in the immortal words of Yobbo, “Oh you all do carry on....yabber, yabber, yabber.... don’t you get sick of all the yappin about nothing, that you do??†LMAO. Said my piece. Now I’m done. HEY BEASTIES!! Where’s the closest watering hole?? Let’s go!! First rounds on me!!
So you now have the third of our Beauties and Beast Blogging and I am asking for more of my male friends to come forward as panellists for the next topic where I will hopefully have many Beasts and one Beauty on the panel if all goes well.
Thank you to all the wonderful 360 friends who inspire me to push forward with this idea which although takes me time to compile and gives me great satisfaction to share with you all the blogging equivalent of an interesting conversation with great views expressed and comments made between all and any who wish to participate as panellists or commentators.
Keep the Comments and Topics coming please. We have a good few more coming but I will need more topics soon.
This topic is open for discussion.
Cheers Milli 2007
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