Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Come On Over for Some Good Belly Laughs ~ Kids Versions of History.

I found this very funny information on the net and because I had such a good laugh as I read it all, I wanted to share it with those of you who are in the mood to have a good laugh TOO!!

So here we go....

The following are actual answers given on history tests, and in Sunday school quizzes, by 5th and 6th grade kids, in Ohio. They were collected over a period of three years by two teachers.

Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and mummies who all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they madeunleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandos. He died before he ever reached Canada but his commandos made it.

Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. He was an actual hysterical figure as well as being in the bible. It sounds like he was sort of busy too.

The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a young female moth.

Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. He later died from an overdose of wedlock which is apparently poisonous. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

In the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java. The games were messier then than they show on TV now.

Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out "Same to you, Brutus."

Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw for reasons I don't really understand. The English and French still have problems.

Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen". As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted"hurrah!"

It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood.

Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper which was very dangerous to all his men.

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter.

Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Since then no one ever found it.

Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward. He was a naturalist for sure. Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large.

Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf that he wrote loud music. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died.

The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.

Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men.

Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits but I don't know why.

Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers. The other three were in the movies. Karl made speeches and started revolutions. Someone in the family had to have a job, I guess.

 

 

34 comments:

  1. These are to funny; Kids are great arent they?

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  2. I loved them too and yes they truly make you smile with their thoughts and their outlooks on life.
    Out of the mouths of babes.
    I am so pleased that you dropped over.

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  3. LOL
    when I was a kid
    i heard my dad talking bout the "rat race"
    this puzzled me, as he was a preacher, NO GAMBLING ON RACES!....
    i totally invisioned rats running round a track like th horses...

    that and brown cows gave chocolate milk.......sometimes we should thik about how thoselittleears are hearing our words.......
    adults are confusing sometimes.......

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  4. LOL oh you are correct and I know so many small children who think that chocolate milk comes from brown cows. I wish I had written down all the things I heard the children say over time so much of it is priceless.

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  5. Oh they do say the funniest things...the things teachers hear has got to keep them in stitches...

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  6. Absolutely Danette and kindy teachers well they know everything LOL.

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  7. I think this is the most hilarious of them all! LOL!!

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  8. Ooooh, scary tough guy! *chuckles*

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  9. OMG Milli...this absolutely hysterical and also personally devastating to me...

    Are you trying to tell me Ben Franklin is dead? I'm sooo crushed... LOL

    reminds me of something I heard once about a women who heard an ad on a local radio station for a beauty contest...First prize was a new Toyota (so she thought)....

    She entered and won the contest only to find out that the radio ad actually said the winner would get a toy Yoda...she sued LOL

    Ok I dont really know why this made me think of that story....(laffs)

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  10. All I am hoing to say here is..Belly laughs!!!

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  11. Oh Boy Freudian slip do you think???

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  12. ROFLOL all I need is a clipper for Christmas..LOL

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  13. Hurrah for Queen Elizabeth - she really knew how to rouse the troops!

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  14. ahahahahhahah!!! i should let my students read this.

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  15. OMG Seth A toy Yoda LOL....What a babe.
    I am sorry to inform you that the Ben Franklin whom you hold dear To your heart, did surely leave and Depart!! LOLLLL.
    This little post might be a bit devastating to not only you Seth...i am also shattered by some of this unique knowledge shared by these wise little children..ie.
    Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen". As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted"hurrah!" Remember we here in Australia are still under the monarchy LOL.....These are such fun.

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  16. MJ I thought these were your students LOL.....

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  17. I do know this Milli...I read that about QE and the troops and the first thing that came to my twisted mind was "hurrah? at what age did the queen do this and if it's recent what does it say for the troops morale"..... (smiles naughtily)

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  18. Morals versus Morales!!!! Kylie Minogue did a good job of the latter the queen probably maintained the former. LOL

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  19. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I did forget the 'e" there didnt I.....Hey it's after midnight here cut me some slack... LOL

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  20. Snip Snip all done LOL...
    I did it with that Cyrus thingy ma-gig

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  21. your too kind Milli....too kind :-)

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  22. LOL thanks Phoebe...You know this one really tickles me too.
    Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward. He was a naturalist for sure. Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

    Aww this cracks me up...Was aretha Franklin in that group too?
    Was it called the 'Foundling Mummas and Papas'?

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  23. I think I must have known most of these boys in my school, which one I forget as I went to eight of them before starting work at 14.
    I was 20 something before I found out a Monkess was a Nun.
    Well,l what else can you call a lady Monk?
    Certainly not Mrs Monks because you would not know one from the other
    I loved the Beethoven one. Perhaps he knew Bach's sister

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  24. I think that the Bach one is too funny and wow do you think his sister was also half and half of two thirds too?
    Beethoven one is priceless.
    As for your Monk and Monkess and to be honest I did not even twig that there were lady Monks.Nuns I knew however yes they would be the feminine form of a Monk.
    LOL@ Mrs Monks. We will have NUN of that.

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  25. yeah. almost same smart-asses.
    look! i got me white hair already!

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  26. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out "Same to you, Brutus."

    this is my favorite. never heard that line from Caesar. thought i had all his speeches memorized. where did this come from? ROFL!

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  27. LOL thanks Mj I must say that most of the information given here I had never heard of..in the misinformed versions that it has been written in LOL..even reading it again i find it all so funny. Humour is such a great human capacity.

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  28. kids are always hilarious.
    too bad they have to grow up and become boring creatures.
    LOL. no pun intended people.

    hey, ms. milli. is it okay to repost this? credit will be extended to you, of course. ^&^
    i pm'ed some friends to come by here and read. guess, they're a lil bit shy.

    enjoy the rest of your afternoon. the tyrants are here and torture is about to begin.

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  29. Sure MJ re-post I am sure it is meant to be shared...Your friends will enjoy it too it is truly funny stuff....

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