As we all know this lingerie scenario above is actually quite a common occurrence for some people when dear Patsy from Absolutely Fabulous fame, loses those worn elastic topped Bridget Jone's type knickers whilst coming in from a night on the town.
Don't tell anyone but I am about to share a couple of inside stories from my chosen career as the Lingerie Lady. Now, before you get your knickers in a knot I will not be naming names which means if your reading this and it sounds familiar then, it is only you and I who know the story and, who you are.
Having sold a string once to a young lady and yes this was a g-string so it was fairly skimpy, I had the occasion to meet up with her and her girlfriend again a few weeks later. After the pleasantries were exchanged the girls started to giggle and I remembered that at the time of the purchase one of the girls was egging her friend on to try one of the g-strings out, because as she said to her friend they are so comfortable and you will hardly know that you are wearing it.
Well finally after the girls had finished giggling I enquired about the g-string and once again there was giggling. The friend suggested that they must tell me what had happened and by this time I was all ears as to the reason behind so much giggling. It turned out that the new g-string wearer had decided to wear her g-string to work one day and as usual got up a bit late and was in a big hurry to get dressed. So with out much care she grabbed the new lingerie and proceeded to put it on. She worked in an office and after several hours of excruciating discomfort she decided to go to the ladies and take that darn string off. It was whilst doing so that she realised that she had put it on sideways, as the tag was still attached and it was not sitting at the back where it should have been. After an adjustment she went back to work. Feeling much more comfortable but also very silly, however it was good story to tell her girlfriend after work. I am happy to report that she was a satisfied customer in the end.
One of my colleagues was fitting a lady for a new bra. She took out a very beautiful black lace bra and had placed it on the ladies body. Oh so very discreetly as we do and in no way alarming her or making her feel uncomfortable. Everything was going fine however our experienced fitter was a bit preoccupied because as she was fitting the bra she had noticed a very long black cotton hanging out of the bra cup. It was distracting her and she was worried that the lady would complain about the quality of the bra. When our experienced fitter pulled hard on the black cotton hoping it was just a stray cotton and would come away quickly with a pull. I am sad to report it was not a cotton thread at all, it was attached to our lady and an embarrassing moment ensued. Being the professional lady that she was with her customer service abilities very much intact she neatly placed the so-called black cotton into the cup and proceeded to take the lady to the mirror to view how lovely the bra was looking. Nothing more was said; however we had one very embarrassed fitter and many consultants in stitches of laughter afterward when the story was told. The lady however never said a word about it, as she happily made her purchases.
Oh and then there was the time driving along with a French consultant next to me in the car and a boot full of lingerie samples when she suddenly acclaimed loudly to me as I drove" Did zu zee zat Voman over zare?" I was concentrating on my driving and had not, until she alerted me, seen the 'Vowan' walking along the footpath with her dress held up high to her waist and with not a pair of knickers in sight on her derriere.. I lost my concentration for a moment and said, " Do you think she knew we were coming and she was beckoning us to stop?" With that the French lady consultant said in her thick french accent and ever so nonchalant "Oh no I tink zee voman has mental iszzuessss!" I was by now almost in hysterics as to the coincidence of this situation and the funny side of it all. We proceeded along to our destination with yet another tale to tell. I will never forget the moment when I saw the lady walking along the path and realised we had just what she needed in the trunk of the car. And my colleagues announcement in her thick French accent just topped it all off.
So I leave you with a saying here
Never get your knickers in a knot
And don't leave them in the UV rays to rot.